SJA: Goodbye, Sarah Jane Smith

I was apprehensive about watching an episode called Goodbye, Sarah Jane Smith, knowing that I’m going to have to say that for real after just three more stories, and I’m not looking forward to that one bit. I’ve really loved taking this opportunity to spend more time in Sarah Jane’s company, but I’m always aware in the back of my mind that it’s not going to end happily.

There’s been a few moments along the way that have felt sad in hindsight, but this was the first time that it hit me in a big way. The episode was pootling along beautifully, with an intriguing new character who could have been either a new friend or the guest villain, and it genuinely felt like it could go either way. Clyde was running around with a big gun, which seemed a little bit strong for CBBC, even after we found out that it was unfireable. And it was revealed that Mr Smith films everything that happens in the attic, which made me ponder whether the show we’re watching is put together by him, like in Trial of a Time Lord.

And then the worrying hints that something was amiss with Sarah Jane came to a head, and Mr Smith told her that she’s “very ill indeed”. And then I was sobbing, for reasons that are obvious to anyone reading this, but that couldn’t possibly have been foreseen when this episode was made. It’s a horrible, cruel coincidence that adds a tragic edge to proceedings and it’s difficult to overlook. Objectively, I can see that this stuff is well-judged and sensitively handled, but my emotional response is far more extreme than the episode intends to give me.

But as always with SJA, there’s so much more going on. Clyde and Rani’s grief at hearing Sarah Jane was “gone” set me off again during Part Two, but when they themselves were put in peril – especially Clyde, as his perilous situation was so extreme – it made me realise that I do care about those characters after all. I think their budding romance is sweet (although I was wrong with my prediction of a snog in the finale), and being put further into the spotlight has served them well in the end – as the series has gone on, they’ve become much easier to empathise with.

Inevitably Luke shows up for the finale, having gained a poncey scarf and a slightly disconcerting aggressive streak. For once, K-9 was also allowed to join the party, albeit only via Skype, but I was glad that he was the one who rallied the troops and kick-started the fightback. It was also nice to give him and Mr Smith a little bit of closure, with a cessation of hostilities and a newfound mutual respect. Speaking of talking computers, I only realised after seeing the credits that Mr White was voiced by Eddie Marsan! What a bizarrely famous choice to play such a tiny role, entirely in keeping with the show’s proud history.

There’s another sad note right at the end, as a rejuvenated Sarah Jane vows to carry on forever, which is obviously supposed to be a happy note. This neatly illustrates the difficulty in knowing what to take from this story, but regardless of anything else, it’s an exciting, funny, high-stakes thriller, and a great way to end to another brilliant series.

RATING: 8

SERIES AVERAGE RATING: 7.83

  • SJA series watched: 4 of 5
  • SJA stories watched: 24 of 27
  • Individual SJA episodes watched: 47 of 53

I’m feeling slightly gloomy now, due to thinking so much about Elisabeth Sladen, and realising how little of Sarah Jane I have left to watch. But hey – next up, it’s Christmas. Again.

Advertisements

SJA: The Nightmare Man

Aww. I’m slightly sad that I’m already on the last full series of The Sarah Jane Adventures, partly because of the awful reason behind it finishing, but also because I could happily watch more of it. It’s such a lovely show, plus it’s all new to me, and the shorter episodes are often more manageable than a full-length New Who episode if I’ve had a long day.

In retrospect, it feels like this story marks the beginning of the end, with Luke departing for university, despite the fact that he still only looks about fourteen. I had no idea he’d left before the end, and it means that Sarah Jane herself is the only original member of the gang left, aside from the odd alien supercomputer.

At least he had a decent send off, with a story that was structured like a Doctor Who two-parter, with the first half being one long set-up for the second. It spent a long time covering the character stuff before the plot kicked in, and it’s to its credit. After a brief introductory montage with an extremely green Slitheen to keep the kids interested, great care is taken to explore what Luke’s departure means for him and everybody else.

I remember my mum bawling her eyes out when she dropped me off at university, but at least we didn’t have to contend with Julian Bleach haunting our dreams. This is his third different villain across three different shows, and it’s a typically bonkers performance – basically Julian Bleach’s interpretation of The Joker. The nightmares he concocts ring so true to the fears we all face while growing up, and it keeps Luke front and centre by always having the scary bits interwoven with the domestic stuff, with each component of the story informing the other.

Then, much like the last Who story I watched, the first episode ends with one big event (in this case, the Nightmare Man crossing to the real world), before a full second episode devoted to the fall-out. Clyde and Rani are dragged into a dream world that features Sarah Jane as an old biddy, and Doon Mackichan as a newsreader. Obviously I was reminded of Collaterlie Sisters, and equally obviously I noted that the method used to escape the dream – simply imagining a door and walking through it – was also the method used to escape Better Than Life in the Red Dwarf novels.

Eventually, the monster is quite literally defeated by the power of friendship, which is a tad trite and perfunctory, but it kind of had to happen that way in order to resolve Luke’s anxieties, and allow him to leave with a smile on his face. However, I was not prepared for K-9 being packed off with him, which seemed very abrupt. While he featured slightly more than average, he didn’t get anywhere near the amount of focus and attention that Luke got. I know that’s fair enough – K-9’s only been in it for a relatively short time, and the kids are going to care much more about Luke – but me and that dog go back a long way, and I don’t feel we’ve got closure.

Mind you, I live in Ealing, and it’s about an hour away from Oxford by road, or you can even get a train directly from Ealing Broadway. They say they won’t see each other until Christmas, but Luke could come back every weekend if he wanted to. They’re all full of shit – they don’t actually care about each other after all.

RATING: 8

SJA: The Gift

We start the big series finale with the gang chasing a fat lad through an industrial estate, an unmistakable sign that the Slitheen are back once again. They’re starting to become synonymous with the show, and while I don’t completely hate them, it’s a bit of a shame that they feel the need to keep bringing them back. There seemed to be a higher concentration of fart jokes too, even when the various Raxacoricofallapatorians were naked and thus not using the gas exchange thingy.

But at least there was a big variation on the theme, with the main Raxacoricofallapatorians in question being the Blathereen, voiced, quite remarkably, by Miriam Margolyes and Simon Callow. It’s a shame that they only appeared in voice over, but even so, bloody hell, they’ve got a great casting director to consistently attract such talent on what is presumably a flimsy budget.

I was obviously expecting the Blathereen to turn out to be evil, but even so I was slightly disappointed that they did. Even after their friendly gift had put Luke in a coma, I was giving them the benefit of the doubt, that maybe they didn’t know the Rakweed would be dangerous, and it had mutated unexpectedly due to something in the Earth’s atmosphere or some such. Instead, they turn out to just be a palette-swapped version of the Slitheen, which makes the previous indications that this would be a unique twist seem like red herrings.

Still, the Rakweed itself was a surprisingly effective threat, and the scale was suitably epic for the end of a season. It was great to see K-9 take a much bigger role than we’re used to. Not only did him and Mr Smith resume snark-based hostilities, but I loved the unintentionally hilarious juxtaposition of cutting between Sarah Jane desperately trying to save her terminally ill son, and the comedic caper of Clyde sneaking K-9 into school in order to cheat on a science test.

More bizarre juxtaposition was used – in a way that seemed much more deliberate – in the climax, where Sarah Jane tries to appeal to the Blathereen’s better nature. After all, they were only doing this to fuel their debilitating addiction of Rakweed, like a vegetarian version of The 456. Sadly, it all ends in violence, as Mr Smith plays them the ultimate brown noise, the Blathereen literally fart themselves to death, and Sarah Jane is left guiltily contemplating that “there should have been another way”

…all while her, the kids, the two supercomputers and indeed the entire attic are dripping with tomato-soup-esque Raxacoricofallapatorian guts. That’s what I love about The Sarah Jane Adventures – it sometimes retreads old ground, and it sometimes struggles to match its ambitions, but throughout it all it’s so much fun. It’s a thing of absolute joy.

One last thing, however. Nothing much to do with this episode per se, but something that’s only just occurred to me. Every time you see a child Slitheen disguised as a human, that means an actual child has been murdered and skinned. What is this, Sarah Jane or Torchwood?

RATING: 8

SERIES AVERAGE RATING: 7.33

  • SJA series watched: 3 of 5
  • SJA stories watched: 18 of 27
  • Individual SJA episodes watched: 35 of 53

SJA: Mona Lisa’s Revenge

This was completely batshit, but in a good way. The Mona Lisa has never struck me as somebody who was particularly in need of revenge, but then I do share Luke’s lack of certainty as to why it’s considered so much more beautiful than all other paintings. With Luke, you can blame the fact he was created in a lab, but I’m afraid I’m just a philistine. Besides, it’s probably a fake anyway.

It’s becoming clear that this series is beset with a few limitations – it’s possible that they’re being too ambitious, but then that’s to be applauded. It’s a shame that in this story they couldn’t afford to show us the big monster that they’d spent all episode building up, and it feels like there’s a slightly higher ratio of cheaper episodes to balance out the big blockbusters this time round.

Luckily, the show usually gets around these limitations quite well, often in surprising ways. There’s hardly any Sarah Jane in this one, but her absence isn’t too conspicuous because it was inevitable that *someone* was going to get trapped in a painting. By the way, I’m assuming that the police officers were all trapped in Constables, am I right? Is this thing on?

Similarly, it’s bullshit that K-9 has once again been left out of the action, with Sarah Jane’s explanation that he’s not allowed out until Luke tidies his room being right up there with all those hastily-written excuses from Tom Baker’s days. But at least they found a way to get him involved at the climax, thanks to Clyde’s sketchbook containing Chekhov’s drawing of a robot dog.

And the one thing they’re not scrimping on this series is guest stars. Not only do we have George from Drop The Dead Donkey as the curator, Mona Lisa herself is none other than Suranne Jones, although I wasn’t sure it was her at first due to the slightly freaky lack of eyebrows. It’s a very northern portrayal of the Mona Lisa, with some rather eccentric and cartoonish tendencies, but a great deal of fun. Not quite hitting the heights of her later performance as an anthropomorphised objet d’art in Doctor Who, but nevertheless well suited to the purpose.

Finally, I wasn’t sure what to make of Miss Trupp, a somewhat stereotypical frumpy middle-aged spinster, desperately in love with her boss who barely notices she exists. A story we’ve all seen thousands of times before, and one which hardly does much to challenge the patriarchy. But once again my expectations were confounded when, after the man finally realises he’s in love with her too, she calls him a creep and tells him to get stuffed. Go on, Miss Trupp.

Actually, one more thing: why did BBC News send Entertainment Correspondent Lizo Mzimba along to cover an art theft?

RATING: 7

This series of Sarah Jane Adventures is not yet over, but as I’m going through all of this in as precise a chronological order as possible, it’s the traditional mid-November Doctor Who special next. Irritatingly, it might be a while before I find time to watch it, due to work and social commitments, but hopefully not too long. After all, I figured out the other day that if I stick to the current pace, I’ll be up-to-date by around Christmas, and that would work out very nicely…

SJA: The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith

Wow. That was very special indeed, and not just because of the very special guest star. The annual Trickster episodes have always been the highlight of each series so far, and this is no exception – it’s quite easily the very best Sarah Jane story I’ve seen. It seems that at this particular period, the spin-offs were in better form than the main show.

It’s such a joy to have K-9 joining the gang properly that it’s hard not to rue the fact he wasn’t there from the beginning. Not only does he provide so many great moments on his own – such as when he’s trying to be inconspicuous by saying “do not look at me, everything is normal” – but he also improves Mr Smith immeasurably. You’d think that having two supercomputers around would make one of them redundant, but it turns out that giving each of them just half of the exposition to cover leaves them both free to fill the gaps with humour.

This episode is proper laugh-out-loud funny, and I could listen to John Leeson and Alexander Armstrong exchange insults all day. K-9 criticising Mr Smith for being too opinionated, the pair of them accidentally dobbing the kids in for spying on Sarah Jane, Mr Smith getting insecure about there being “no need to consult the dog”. Absolutely marvellous. Plus, K-9 now has an as-yet-unseen hover mode to negotiate the stairs in and out of the attic. I fucking love K-9.

While I’d have been happy with the show turning into a full-on supercomputer sitcom, this episode also had Nigel bloody Havers! He’s such a smooth bastard, and a great coup for the show. He’s so irresistibly charming that you really root for Sarah Jane and Peter as a couple, even though it’s perfectly clear throughout that something’s not right. This show has so much heart, from the way Sarah Jane slowly allows herself to fall in love, to her continually lovely relationship with Luke.

And I haven’t even mentioned the headline act yet. It’s a superb entrance from The Doctor at the end of Part One – let’s face it, that particular moment in the wedding ceremony was designed for people like him – and it’s exciting to see him running around with Luke, Clyde and Rani. It’s a shame that there wasn’t more of him and Sarah Jane together, but you can’t have everything; it felt like Tennant wasn’t available for more than a couple of days, with his scenes being relatively simple and self-contained.

But it really didn’t matter; it’s a testament to the quality of the story that the presence of the greatest hero in television history wasn’t really the main attraction. What Sarah Jane and Peter have to do to defeat The Trickster is so sad, partly down to the gravitas and style that Havers brings to proceedings, and also because I love Sarah Jane so much that I can’t bear the thought of her going through so much pain.

(Incidentally, it’s just occurred to me that The Trickster’s thing about needing consent in order to bring his chaos makes him very similar to the Monks from Who Series Ten. Only better.)

The moment that finally made me cry, however, wasn’t intended to be a sad one. It was The Doctor’s latest goodbye to Sarah Jane, with him talking about the things she’ll do that are still to come. I’ve been thinking a lot about Elisabeth Sladen recently, and how tragic it was that she was taken from us just when she was back where she belonged. This just brought it home – she was still so young, and had so much more to give.

A bittersweet experience then, but make no mistake that this has got absolutely everything you want from a Doctor Who-based story: laughs, twists, timey-wimey stuff, a great villain, heartbreak, K-9, back-references to Metebelis III and The Key to Time, and even The Doctor himself. Never mind the fact that it’s from a spin-off – this is simply solid Doctor Who.

RATING: 10

SJA: The Mad Woman in the Attic

I’m glad that I stopped watching Sarah Jane when it was originally on, simply because it’s a joy to have something completely fresh to watch at this stage of the project. Surprises have been short on the ground of late, and this story’s first one was that the eponymous mad woman isn’t Sarah Jane herself.

Instead it’s a timely opportunity for Rani to take centre stage, as she’s been slightly peripheral since settling in so quickly. It’s a shame that the future Rani was played by an older actress, rather than sticking Anjli Mohindra in make-up and giving her the chance to really try something different. Her anxieties about the gang not treating her with the same respect as Maria are reasonable, although I did feel she got let off rather lightly on the whole “telling some kid absolutely everything about your secret double life” thing.

Eve was an interesting alien – one of those morally ambiguous ones I like, where they’re doing bad things but have innocent intentions. She’s a victim of the Time War, and you know I’m also a fan of exploring the consequences of The Doctor’s actions, and of those occasions where things that happen in the main show have an impact on the spin-offs.

The story kept you guessing about the nature of what we were seeing of Rani’s future. Was it a cautionary tale about what would happen if she didn’t improve her relationship with the others, or was it something that the aliens were actively making happen? In the end, it was down to a misunderstanding on the part of Ship, the evil face in the mirror that was revealed to be essentially a slightly malevolent Holly. This was a pretty satisfying reveal, although I did totally call it from the way Rani said “I wish” in a way that was almost asking to be taken literally.

Less satisfying was the fact that it was all reversed within a minute or so of this revelation, but that wasn’t important at this stage, because we’d just had the second big surprise: K-9 is back! And for good this time, having successfully completed his mission to piss about with a black hole / unsuccessfully completed his unofficial Australian spin-off. We didn’t get to see much of him initially – although it was all worth it for Mr Smith’s sarcastic “oh good” on his return – but it’ll be interesting to see how the SJA team handle the same logistical and storytelling challenges that the DW team faced in the 70s.

It all ended with Eve going off on adventures new, alongside Rani’s best mate (with whom she’ll one day have a mixed-species son), the old man from the fairground and their wacky on-board computer. If Big Finish ever run out of spin-offs, there’s a sitcom right there. The revelation that the lad from the future is Sam’s son explains why the two of them look so alike, but not why they both look so similar to Luke. There must have been a fashion for teenage boys to all have the same big emo hair in 2009.

One more thing: with the silly intro and a particularly lengthy “previously” recap, episode two didn’t actually start until two minutes and 30 seconds in. This is ridiculous, although pretty much the first thing you see is footage of Sarah Jane with Pertwee and Baker, so all is forgiven.

RATING: 8

SJA: From Raxacoricofallapatorius with Love

Aww, Ronnie Corbett. Of all the victims of the great celebrity cull of 2016, he was one of my favourites. His presence on my screen is guaranteed to make me smile – it’s the warm feeling you get when an old family friend pops round. This was clearly written with a great deal of affection for the man, and it’s exactly my kind of in-jokey humour. Although, by my count he’s the third Rani.

Like any good Comic Relief sketch (and lord knows *good* Comic Relief sketches have been few and far between in recent years), it gets very silly very quickly, and then more so. Of course the gang are all wearing deadly deely boppers. Of course Ronnie Corbett is a Slitheen. Of course K-9 turns up and gets clamped. And that final shot of K-9 improbably sporting a Red Nose for no logical reason is superb. Five minutes of pure joy.

RATING: 9

The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End

Well, there is certainly a lot to process here, having experienced this rather epic tale for the first time since broadcast. And I haven’t had to tag this many returning characters since The Five Doctors (or possibly Dimensions In Time). There are more notes to make than I have time; brace yourself for a fuckload of small to medium sized bullet points.

* This is essentially the entire four years of the revival thus far in one go. It’s a pleasantly nostalgic greatest hits package, celebrating a truly brilliant period in the show’s history, but the joy is slightly tempered by the knowledge that they’re going to do all this again in five episodes’ time.

* Well, Torchwood are less sweary and sex-obsessed than usual. They seem to be over Owen and Tosh already, which should save some time come Series 3. Over on the other spin-off, poor old Maria and Clyde weren’t invited to the party, but at least Mr Smith is better now. The last time we saw him, he was intent on killing Sarah Jane and destroying the world, but this was probably not the occasion to dwell on that.

* The obligatory RTD Episode 12 celebrity cameos: Richard Dawkins! Why is he there doing spacey sciencey stuff? He’s a biologist; it should have been Brian Cox or suchlike, but then Brian Cox isn’t married to an ex-companion. Also, Paul O’Grady! And his dog! Ianto’s a big fan, even if the rest of us aren’t.

* Usually when the human race is threatened by aliens, they all band together and look after each other. This time, they react by setting fire to shit and looting, to the extent that nobody notices Rose running round with a big space gun, at least not until she starts threatening people with it.

* Sarah Jane’s reaction to the Daleks nearly got me going. All four former companions were scared, but it was especially emotional when it was Sarah Jane, hearing those voices again after so many years. The sheer terror they inspire in these characters really sells them as a threat. It’s interesting that these days, the villains are shown to react like that upon realising they’re up against The Doctor.

* It’s a shame that The Doctor spends so long poncing around with the Shadow Proclamation while the exciting Dalek stuff happens without him. While he’s there, he says “someone tried to move the Earth before” – I assume he’s talking about Dalek Invasion of Earth, but does the fact that he said “someone” mean that they’ve retroactively decided that Davros was behind that? If so, excellent.

* Speaking of whom, Davros is utterly excellent. He’s got a metal hand! Within moments, he’s shown admonishing a Dalek for sounding proud, keeping their emotions in check. Considering how much they veered from their fundamental principles in their last appearance, it’s a good statement of intent now that their dad’s back.

* The spooky woman in the Shadow Proclamation who tells Donna that she’s “sorry for the loss that’s yet to come” – that’s a dickish thing to do. If you’re a soothsayer and you can see that something terrible is about to happen to someone, either come out with it so that they can prepare, or just say nothing. Don’t vaguely allude to it and then fuck off.

* So, bees are aliens, and they abandoned the planet when they sensed its impending destruction? The last ever bee message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to ingest nectar, process it and store the resultant substance in a honeycomb, but in fact the message was this: “So long and thanks for all the pollen”.

* I have SO MUCH TO SAY on the big Harriet Jones conference call. Highlights include:

  • Cribbins saying that webcams are “naughty”.
  • Sarah Jane telling Torchwood off for using guns, as it’s not suitable for Luke.
  • Martha’s mum getting a cameo for not particular reason, although it’s nice for her to get some closure on her abandonment issues from the fact that Martha subconsciously chose to teleport home.
  • The Mr Copper Foundation? Not sure he quite warranted a mention, but then everyone else from the last four years seems to be getting one.
  • Rose being jealous of Martha, in a neat role reversal.
  • While everyone’s firing up their supercomputers and their secret alien technology, Martha’s big contribution to the effort is forwarding on a phone number.

Wasn’t as keen on Harriet attempting to justify her Belgrano move on the basis that this latest alien invasion proves that you need to kill all aliens. However, her ultimate sacrifice does provide redemption her character deserved.

* When The Doctor joins the party, he says that “everybody except Rose” is there. Everybody? Has he forgotten the dozens of companions he had when his adventures were 4:3? Justice for Dodo.

* Then Jack fucks off to find the Doctor, abandoning Torchwood and leaving Gwen and Ianto to the Daleks, and then comes the big reunion. Despite not having been on board with the returned Rose thus far, it put a big grin on my face and nearly a tear to my eye. How perfectly tragic would have been if the Doctor actually regenerated at this point, so that she got so close but still never touched her Doctor again. The giant fuck-off “TO BE CONTINUED” that followed is a bit stupid, but kind of justified – it really is one of the greatest cliffhangers of all time.

* Sadly, the resolution to said cliffhanger is all very convenient, with each individual threat neutralised by a hitherto unmentioned safety net: Mickey and Jackie turning up (sans Pete, sadly), Torchwood’s magic bubble and The Doctor’s sneaky hand job. It’s not deus ex machina – very few people who use that term as criticism seem to know what it means – it’s just a bit of a shame. They got away with quick and easy cliffhanger resolutions loads in the old days, but that’s because there were at least three of them per story – with this one, the resolution would ideally have matched the epic nature of the set-up.

* A few random notes from the opening stages of Journey’s End: DALEKS SPEAKING GERMAN! It seems so right, for reasons obvious to anyone who’s watched Genesis. / The Doctor is not often this scared. This is good. / When Jack’s body got incinerated, how come his clothes didn’t?

* All these years later, I’m still not sure what I think about the Meta-Crisis Doctor. I mean, it’s a complete waste of a regeneration, considering he thinks it’s his penultimate one, but it’s kind of cool to have a double dose of TV’s greatest hero. That is until he starts talking like Donna. The only thing more annoying than Catherine Tate doing comedy is David Tennant impersonating Catherine Tate doing comedy.

* Davros wants to destroy reality itself. This is certainly in keeping with the core principle that every non-Dalek life-form must be destroyed, but it would be a Pyrrhic victory. Destroying all matter as well as all life would make them supreme masters of absolutely nothing.

* Other than that, absolutely everything Davros-related is amazing. The moment where he recognises Sarah Jane is even better than when she recognised him. On an intellectual level, I think Davros betters The Doctor for the first time; the argument that his companions turn into weapons is not something I would have necessarily agreed with, but Davros convinced me. His final victory indeed. The montage of all the people who have died in The Doctor’s name was RTD going all JNT on our ass.

* It’s the perfect build up to a big climax, with all the ex-companions’ individual plans failing one by one, and the TARDIS rising from the ashes. But then the day is saved by Donna suddenly becoming magic. I know I didn’t complain when it was a magic version of Rose fixing everything, but this is why this blog is a document of an experience, rather than a series of objective reviews – it may not be fair, but it’s how I reacted. I just don’t like Donna very much. And the only thing more annoying that David Tennant doing smug is Catherine Tate impersonating David Tennant doing smug.

* Which is a bugger, because everything else is very good indeed: Sarah and Rose exchanging pleasantries while shoving a malfunctioning Dalek around; Captain Jack’s cheery suggestion of a multi-Doctor orgy; Dalek Caan turning out to be a traitor. I actually shouted “YES!” when K-9 popped up to say hello.

*The Meta-Crisis Doctor is faced with the old do-I-have-the-right dilemma, but he presses the button without thinking twice. That’s not The Doctor. The proper Doctor offers to save Davros, and he’s right to later chastise Pretend Doctor for committing genocide. In his defence, he was forged in battle, like The War Doctor before him. Perhaps the process extrapolated and personified all the worst, most dangerous aspects of The Doctor, like the triplicator in Red Dwarf, or Richard Herring playing himself at snooker.

* Can you imagine the ecological damage that’s done by dragging the Earth from one end of the universe to the other? Nevertheless, it’s a joyous scene to end the episode… except that there’s still ten or fifteen minutes to go. We then get a long sequence of long goodbyes. Why exactly does he drop off Sarah Jane, Jack and Martha all in the same park? Ealing is nowhere near Cardiff.

* I’ve been trying to figure out whether Rose’s return diminishes the impact of her initial departure. I don’t think it does – I still cried like a baby when I rewatched it recently. It’s like how people complain that a cover version “ruins” a song, or a remake “destroys” a movie – no it doesn’t, because the original still exists. However, the beautiful tragedy of these two soulmates being forever separated is certainly altered by Rose being given a Doctor-shaped sex doll. It’s just all a little grubby – he’s not The Doctor, not the same man she fell in love with, but she’s happy to make do with a lookalike, even though he’s out there continuing his life without her? Nah. At the very least, we should have got to finally hear him – either of him – say “I love you” to Rose. That would have at least provided some level of genuine closure for the audience, if not the characters.

* Sadly, if predictably, the “a companion will die” prophecy turns out to be bullshit, as it was before and has been since. The memory wipe isn’t even a particularly stable metaphor for death – it’s actually saving her life. I found the sight of The Doctor enacting the procedure without her consent, while she’s pleading with him not to, a little disturbing. I mean, he’s doing the right thing, but Moff dealt with this issue a lot better with Clara.

* But at least this deed is a promise that Donna will never come back. Wilfred is damn right when he says “she was better with you” – he must be gutted to have to live with the old Runaway Bride Donna again. The permanently miserable Sylvia can do one and all, but Cribbins is just the best. Despite the high levels of emotion throughout, his goodbye to The Doctor was the only moment that made me shed a tear. Seriously, he’s one of the best actors the show’s ever had. Ever.

* Favourite Dalek lines: “The abomination is insane.” / “The males, the females, the descendants.” / “My vision is NOT impaired.” / “Exterminate Torchwood.”

So, what to make of all this, after comfortably the longest post in the history of this blog? Well, The Stolen Earth is one of the best episodes ever, but Journey’s End not so much. As has been the case for much of Series 4, I’ve found that it’s a lot easier to look past the faults now that so much time has passed – it’s not the “current” show any more, it’s just one brief chapter in a long history. Rather than having to worry about what state the show is in, or which direction it’s heading, I can just judge it on its sheer entertainment value. On that level: massive, massive win.

RATING: 9

And so I come to the end of a series that I thought I hated, but then when you look at the scores…

SEASON AVERAGE RATING: 7.5

  • Seasons/Series watched: 30 of 35.58
  • Stories watched: 198 of 269.67
  • Individual episodes watched: 751 of 834

…the average rating is actually higher than Series 2 (although admittedly, Fear Her is a massive statistical anomaly). I dunno. I still dislike Donna, and I’m definitely starting to go off Tennant by this point, but again, with so much water under bridge, I can now look past those annoyances and see what else each episode has to offer. I guess the conclusion is that there’s very little Doctor Who that’s without a significant amount of merit, but sometimes it’s just a case of taking a few steps back before you can see it.

And now, a short break for a wedding, to coincide with the first of revived Doctor Who‘s short breaks. Join me again in a few days to begin another voyage through a whole bunch of spin-offs and specials.

SJA: The Lost Boy

Rediscovering The Sarah Jane Adventures has been one of the greatest joys this project has provided for a long time, and the last two stories of the first series have been something else. The first few adventures did the job of establishing a status quo, laying the groundwork for a finale that plays so beautifully on said status quo being destroyed. It’s so disturbing to see Luke torn away from the family and enduring the ultimate nightmare – discovering you’re a Chelsea fan.

It was a great double bluff – we trusted Mr Smith when he said that Luke was indeed the missing boy, so we spend most of the first episode believing it might be true. This gives us an excuse to explore the creepiness of that idea, and then to move on before it runs out of steam. It seemed weird at the time that the news reports focused on the idea that the boy had been kidnapped by some mad, lonely woman, rather than… you know. But firstly, kids’ show, and secondly, it all makes sense when you realise it’s part of Mr Smith’s plan.

You could tell that something was amiss with Mr Smith before the big revelation – he wasn’t doing the big fanfare when he emerged, and his voice was subtly different throughout, deeper and more clinical. I listen to Alexander Armstrong’s voice a lot as part of my job, and it’s therefore hard to disassociate his work here from his role as a game show host – since SJA was made, he’s become more famous for being himself on TV than he is as an actor. It’s like when Les Dennis was in Corrie for a bit – his performance was great, but all I could see was Gail Platt marrying Les Dennis from off of Family Fortunes.

But I digress – it was nevertheless a fantastic twist, continuing the fine tradition this series has of throwing in a complete headfuck moment as the cliffhanger. This series has even managed to make the Slitheen an effective villain – skinny Slitheen! Having them hiding as smaller-framed people not only managed to keep their presence as a surprise, but also had them shake off the last vestiges of the sometimes-troublesome size-based humour that’s always followed them around. There was barely a fart joke in sight, and as such they can finally be taken seriously as a threat.

But Mr Smith was the real villain of the piece, even though it looked for a while like it was going to be Floella Benjamin at Pharos, of all places. And when the villain is an alien supercomputer, embedded right at the heart of Sarah Jane’s organisation, there’s only one hero who can defeat it. It may have been an extremely short cameo, but oh it was so lovely to see K-9 once more. It’s a great compliment to the series that he hasn’t particularly been missed, and it’s meant that his brief return felt really special. Worthy of a finale to a damned fine series.

RATING: 9

SERIES AVERAGE RATING: 8

  • SJA series watched: 1 of 5
  • SJA stories watched: 6 of 27
  • Individual SJA episodes watched: 11 of 53

SJA: Invasion of the Bane

On New Years Day 2007, there were no less than three new episodes of Doctor Who spin-offs transmitted on the same day. This is one of the very rare occasions that my rewatch will be going at a slower pace than original broadcast. First up, we welcome The Sarah Jane Adventures to the fold, with a debut that comes along and demonstrates exactly how a spin-off series should be started.

The answer is to basically do Rose, whereby the audience is introduced to the companion figure first (it’s a younger character this time because it’s a younger audience), and we then meet the mysterious alien-y figure through her eyes. It’s a role that Sarah Jane is obviously more than capable of fulfilling; that was evident the first time they tried this show, regardless of its many other faults.

Maria seems just as well-suited to her role, but the big problem in this episode is clearly Kelsey. She’s got some quite funny lines, but as Mrs Wormwood points out, “she’s all noise and ignorance”. I remember being so relieved when I heard she wouldn’t be returning for the main series. Maybe she could have been toned down as she developed, but when you’ve just been introduced to the likes of Owen Harper and Donna Noble, you want the CBBC spin-off to be a safe haven from these brash, disruptive, antagonistic characters.

Luke, on the other hand, is absolutely great, both in concept and performance. It’s an idea with so much potential for both drama and comedy, and you’ve got the makings of a good little gang there, once Kelsey is replaced. Sarah Jane’s attic is very cool indeed, even if the reveal of Mr Smith was a little overblown – this time round, it reminded me of the study being revealed as a TARDIS in Shada. The pictures of The Brigadier and Harry were a particularly nice touch.

It’s just a shame that K-9 can’t join the party, continuing the long-standing tradition of the poor bugger being restricted to a tiny cameo appearance during a story that doesn’t involve him. I’ve never seen the Australian K-9 series, due to the fact that it looked like a load of old bollocks, but it can’t have been worth the sacrifice of a potential series full of adventures for Sarah and K-9 together. The black hole explanation for his absence seems tacked on and not terribly convincing, but that was kind of unavoidable.

The plot is a straight-forward one – the latest in a long line of Willy Wonka retellings, with quite a similar premise to the Futurama version. The monsters were pleasingly old school in design; lumpy and mucky, as if they were made of the same rubber, latex and heavy paint that Sarah Jane faced all those years ago. Apart from the one that’s recycled from Torchwood, of course, although thankfully this one is a star poet, rather than a sexy mind-reading murderer.

It was a fun and happy way to spend an hour, full of warmth and heart. That’s thanks to Elisabeth Sladen of course, who was always such a magnetic presence. The final scenes with her talking about how nobody could compare to The Doctor tugged at the heartstrings, and made me really look forward to seeing more of her – I did watch the first series or so of SJA at the time, but I kind of fell behind at some point and there’s loads of it that I haven’t yet seen.

I’m particularly looking forward to seeing whether that middle eight in the closing theme is a regular thing, or whether it was dropped after this initial special, because it was bloody mental.

RATING: 8